You should still sit. [He's urging Hinata but he isn't pushy about it. No point to that.]
Memories are the single most powerful tool in a Dunamis user's arsenal. When you need to focus a specific emotion or generate energy quickly, recalling memories is the best way.
For me, Hope and despair are the most powerful of my emotions. Balance being even stronger yet. For you it is joy and grief. And so on, as the alignments go.
You are correct that generating emotions on our own is difficult but, [He smiles just a little. It's in a slightly distant sort of way. He's looking back at all those people he has met here and stood with. The missing ones.] Memories are the echoes of people important to you at your side. Are they not?
In that way, no one is ever truly alone. Even when you're far away from direct touch, we'll always be with you. And you with us.
I don't know how to balance joy and grief... That must take such control. [ She laughs sadly at the slight absurdity of juggling such disparate emotions. Even now, she's crystalizing every moment of their huddled existence in her mind, remembering it. Maybe she can use it later. The grief still feels somewhat overwhelming, but every so often joy from the kusamochi memory peeks into her mind as well, the smell of the treat wafting through the room. ]
Mm... I guess I can't really think of grief without thinking of someone... and my happiest moments are with my friends, too.
[ Her strength is in her bonds. But now that's been literalized, with her emotion magic, at least somewhat. She doesn't know how to get physically closer to them, so there's a small surge of emotion and light that emanates from her, bathing them in warmth and comfort.
Magic is a way of being with her friends at all times, even when she isn't. The fact that it hurts her heart a little to be with and without her friends at once... maybe she can use that, too. She nods to Komaeda. ]
I think I see. But... I'm still going to spend as much time with you all as I can, you know. While we still have it.
[ A cold bitter air fills the room at Nanami's words. His expression turns hollow and his eyes burn a bright scarlet. It doesn't shift back to its normal color, and he can't even bring himself to even look at her. At either of them.
But then he realizes how cruel he made it sound, darkness nearly enveloping his heart. In this world, it physically manifests as a shadowy aura that flickers for a few seconds before glitching into white and fading away. ]
"While we still have it..."
[ Disgust sets in his soft tone, scrunching his face as lips press together. It hurts just to hear that, and it causes his chest to twist in agony, despair nearly settling in but is soon replaced with something else entirely different. A hollow emptiness. Of course, he might be completely misinterpreting her words, overthinking them, but his minds winds back to those memories yet again, as if he'd gone back in time. ]
It's like you're saying you're--
[ His mouth works the words in his mouth that he tries to say, but nothing comes out, completely stuck in his throat.
"I'm just a part of the game... but you guys aren't, right?"
No.
"...Hey, you don't want that either, right? I mean, if we lose our memories, there won't be a single trace of your existence left. You're going to completely disappear... and none of us will ever remember you..."
But the Nanami in his memories, she said... ]
Don't say that like you're going to disappear [ again ] some day.
[ His voice is abnormally quiet and he can't help but place his hands on his lap, fingers curling into a tight fist, nails digging into the skin, cutting into it. ]
[It's difficult to say what he would have done if Hinata hadn't reacted. In his mind's eye he can see those that aren't with them in the city anymore. He turns to Hinata, covering his fists as his voice drops low.]
We're right here. No one is going anywhere.
[His chest aches. The idea of losing everything hangs suspended in his mind. It would be his luck to have it all and lose it. Could he survive that? Of course he could. He knows it but he doesn't want to. For a second it's there, the shadow of his darker self with coils of smoke and darkness but he draws back, pulling it back inside.
A moment passes before he says in as soft a voice as he can manage yet still be heard.] ...it's not about control. That's not what balance is.
[He lets go of one of Hinata's fist and picks the petal back up. He stares into the starry sky within the memory and feels it carry his mind somewhere else. Back to the cool night where the breeze pulled at his hair. His master, then a teacher had pointed to the heavens after he'd said something wrong as usual.]
Mmm, it's complicated. I wasn't sure how to put it into words but I'll try. ...Just like the starry sky here we all have hundreds of components that make up the self. In this world our lives give off energy...magic. It makes us more aware of ourselves as individuals even the parts of us normally hidden from our own eyes.
[Mu's voice is a soothing and familiar comfort from hours of learning to tame his emotions and bring the energy they give off under his will. So he couldn't hurt anyone. He'll forever be grateful that if he had lost it, Aries Mu would have stopped him. This world is just too precious to him to lose.]
No one likes what they see in the mirror. Our fear pushes us to impose control over it and to subjugate what we see. It will feel like victory but...hahaha, we already know what happens if someone pushes just the right way! You have to let yourself feel everything without being lost to it. Finding balance is overcoming the idea that some of what we feel is bad. There's no good or evil, there's just you.
When you grasp the magic given off by your own body you're only grasping your own life. Like someone drawing a sword except that's the ultimate expression of who you are shaped by your hand. I know, it gets complicated when you think like that.
[He sets the petal back on Nanami's leg and rests his hands on his lap. After earlier when he raged at the rock and the earth, he can still feel how his magic had snapped around him like lightning.]
[ She's horrified at her thoughtlessness, at the reaction it creates in Hinata. That was the very fear that she had drawn him away from, all that time ago, wasn't it? And now she had moved him back towards it.
Komaeda speaks before she can, even though she whispers to Hinata in his mind, apologetically and comfortingly, I'm here, I'm here... She doesn't let go of his hand, squeezing it so it almost hurts her, to remind them both of her reality.
Her borrowed time, she's conscious of. But to remind Hinata about that, she regrets.
Luckily-- Komaeda's further explanation unlocks something in her mind. It's slow, then all at once. Maybe it's how Komaeda spoke about stars, or maybe it's his earlier words about being with the people you love even when you weren't there physically. Or maybe it's Hinata's hand squeezed in hers, their emotions spilling into each other, that unlocks the door. But she looks at Komaeda with -- almost shock, that she can visualize what he's saying, at least to some degree. ]
Single player co-op. Right?
[ Obviously that's not all of what Komaeda's talking about. But she's piecing it together in her mind. ] You use memories... your bonds... with Dunamis. That's what it is. Isn't it?
[ Her words don't comfort him, surprisingly enough, and he can't help but jerk his hand away -- but he's not sure if it's out of fear or out of frustration. Maybe he just thinks that, in a way it's unfair, really, but he doesn't voice that thought. While she's real and here, the reassurance, to him, is hollow.
Because what she's doing is just simply this: telling him what he wants to hear. Not what he needs to.
Perhaps it's the pieces of Kamukura that allow him to see the world like this - his analysis of it all. The idea causes him to deflate, his eyes narrowing before he can feel time slowing down for him. It's not that time has truly slowed down, it's just that his perception of it all is different.
Stop. His voice is angry in Nanami's head as a reply, but at the same time, there's a piercing sadness that comes in waves that you can almost taste the ocean water.
He then looks at Komaeda, but the expression that is written in Hinata's eyes isn't one that belongs to the ordinary him. But he should already recognize the person that manifests through those blood red eyes of his, shouldn't he? He's seen it so many times before. His fists unclench, but the marks are still there. He's bleeding, as he forcibly cut himself, but he ignores the pain altogether. It's unimportant. ]
It's okay. [ His words are empty and devoid of life -- the area he sits on begins to die out, aging quickly to the point where it cracks and nearly breaks. But only nearly. ] When I was learning how to utilize Dunamis, I had to learn about myself from the very beginning. While memories and bonds can make up pieces of the puzzle, you have to understand yourself. If you don't do that, then those memories and bonds won't mean anything in the long run, I've felt. You can understand others, but if you don't understand yourself it won't help you. ... Right?
I use my everything. Hajime is right. [This is rapidly spiralling down the drain and the worst part is part of him wants to help it along. Make it worse. Seek out the despair.
He gets up. Dark shadows are curling around his arms and he can feel the weight of the chain. No.]
I need to...go. I'm starting to feel the effects of that bit of memory.
[He isn't safe and there's only one person he can turn to about it. His master. Best to work this out now. He walks away as the shadows grow deeper, forming the black back jacket and jeans.]
[ He's quiet and just stands up and heads towards the door; his voice is devoid of all emotion. At this point he's going to lose it if he stays here any longer, and he just can't. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-09-20 06:20 am (UTC)Memories are the single most powerful tool in a Dunamis user's arsenal. When you need to focus a specific emotion or generate energy quickly, recalling memories is the best way.
For me, Hope and despair are the most powerful of my emotions. Balance being even stronger yet. For you it is joy and grief. And so on, as the alignments go.
You are correct that generating emotions on our own is difficult but, [He smiles just a little. It's in a slightly distant sort of way. He's looking back at all those people he has met here and stood with. The missing ones.] Memories are the echoes of people important to you at your side. Are they not?
In that way, no one is ever truly alone. Even when you're far away from direct touch, we'll always be with you. And you with us.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-21 09:44 pm (UTC)Mm... I guess I can't really think of grief without thinking of someone... and my happiest moments are with my friends, too.
[ Her strength is in her bonds. But now that's been literalized, with her emotion magic, at least somewhat. She doesn't know how to get physically closer to them, so there's a small surge of emotion and light that emanates from her, bathing them in warmth and comfort.
Magic is a way of being with her friends at all times, even when she isn't. The fact that it hurts her heart a little to be with and without her friends at once... maybe she can use that, too. She nods to Komaeda. ]
I think I see. But... I'm still going to spend as much time with you all as I can, you know. While we still have it.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-21 10:24 pm (UTC)[ A cold bitter air fills the room at Nanami's words. His expression turns hollow and his eyes burn a bright scarlet. It doesn't shift back to its normal color, and he can't even bring himself to even look at her. At either of them.
But then he realizes how cruel he made it sound, darkness nearly enveloping his heart. In this world, it physically manifests as a shadowy aura that flickers for a few seconds before glitching into white and fading away. ]
"While we still have it..."
[ Disgust sets in his soft tone, scrunching his face as lips press together. It hurts just to hear that, and it causes his chest to twist in agony, despair nearly settling in but is soon replaced with something else entirely different. A hollow emptiness. Of course, he might be completely misinterpreting her words, overthinking them, but his minds winds back to those memories yet again, as if he'd gone back in time. ]
It's like you're saying you're--
[ His mouth works the words in his mouth that he tries to say, but nothing comes out, completely stuck in his throat.
"I'm just a part of the game... but you guys aren't, right?"
No.
"...Hey, you don't want that either, right? I mean, if we lose our memories, there won't be a single trace of your existence left. You're going to completely disappear... and none of us will ever remember you..."
But the Nanami in his memories, she said... ]
Don't say that like you're going to disappear [ again ] some day.
[ His voice is abnormally quiet and he can't help but place his hands on his lap, fingers curling into a tight fist, nails digging into the skin, cutting into it. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-09-22 12:58 am (UTC)We're right here. No one is going anywhere.
[His chest aches. The idea of losing everything hangs suspended in his mind. It would be his luck to have it all and lose it. Could he survive that? Of course he could. He knows it but he doesn't want to. For a second it's there, the shadow of his darker self with coils of smoke and darkness but he draws back, pulling it back inside.
A moment passes before he says in as soft a voice as he can manage yet still be heard.] ...it's not about control. That's not what balance is.
[He lets go of one of Hinata's fist and picks the petal back up. He stares into the starry sky within the memory and feels it carry his mind somewhere else. Back to the cool night where the breeze pulled at his hair. His master, then a teacher had pointed to the heavens after he'd said something wrong as usual.]
Mmm, it's complicated. I wasn't sure how to put it into words but I'll try. ...Just like the starry sky here we all have hundreds of components that make up the self. In this world our lives give off energy...magic. It makes us more aware of ourselves as individuals even the parts of us normally hidden from our own eyes.
[Mu's voice is a soothing and familiar comfort from hours of learning to tame his emotions and bring the energy they give off under his will. So he couldn't hurt anyone. He'll forever be grateful that if he had lost it, Aries Mu would have stopped him. This world is just too precious to him to lose.]
No one likes what they see in the mirror. Our fear pushes us to impose control over it and to subjugate what we see. It will feel like victory but...hahaha, we already know what happens if someone pushes just the right way! You have to let yourself feel everything without being lost to it. Finding balance is overcoming the idea that some of what we feel is bad. There's no good or evil, there's just you.
When you grasp the magic given off by your own body you're only grasping your own life. Like someone drawing a sword except that's the ultimate expression of who you are shaped by your hand. I know, it gets complicated when you think like that.
[He sets the petal back on Nanami's leg and rests his hands on his lap. After earlier when he raged at the rock and the earth, he can still feel how his magic had snapped around him like lightning.]
How you win, that's different for everyone.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-22 01:53 am (UTC)[ She's horrified at her thoughtlessness, at the reaction it creates in Hinata. That was the very fear that she had drawn him away from, all that time ago, wasn't it? And now she had moved him back towards it.
Komaeda speaks before she can, even though she whispers to Hinata in his mind, apologetically and comfortingly, I'm here, I'm here... She doesn't let go of his hand, squeezing it so it almost hurts her, to remind them both of her reality.
Her borrowed time, she's conscious of. But to remind Hinata about that, she regrets.
Luckily-- Komaeda's further explanation unlocks something in her mind. It's slow, then all at once. Maybe it's how Komaeda spoke about stars, or maybe it's his earlier words about being with the people you love even when you weren't there physically. Or maybe it's Hinata's hand squeezed in hers, their emotions spilling into each other, that unlocks the door. But she looks at Komaeda with -- almost shock, that she can visualize what he's saying, at least to some degree. ]
Single player co-op. Right?
[ Obviously that's not all of what Komaeda's talking about. But she's piecing it together in her mind. ] You use memories... your bonds... with Dunamis. That's what it is. Isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2016-09-22 02:41 am (UTC)Because what she's doing is just simply this: telling him what he wants to hear. Not what he needs to.
Perhaps it's the pieces of Kamukura that allow him to see the world like this - his analysis of it all. The idea causes him to deflate, his eyes narrowing before he can feel time slowing down for him. It's not that time has truly slowed down, it's just that his perception of it all is different.
Stop. His voice is angry in Nanami's head as a reply, but at the same time, there's a piercing sadness that comes in waves that you can almost taste the ocean water.
He then looks at Komaeda, but the expression that is written in Hinata's eyes isn't one that belongs to the ordinary him. But he should already recognize the person that manifests through those blood red eyes of his, shouldn't he? He's seen it so many times before. His fists unclench, but the marks are still there. He's bleeding, as he forcibly cut himself, but he ignores the pain altogether. It's unimportant. ]
It's okay. [ His words are empty and devoid of life -- the area he sits on begins to die out, aging quickly to the point where it cracks and nearly breaks. But only nearly. ] When I was learning how to utilize Dunamis, I had to learn about myself from the very beginning. While memories and bonds can make up pieces of the puzzle, you have to understand yourself. If you don't do that, then those memories and bonds won't mean anything in the long run, I've felt. You can understand others, but if you don't understand yourself it won't help you. ... Right?
Dr3 spoilers
Date: 2016-09-22 03:28 am (UTC)He gets up. Dark shadows are curling around his arms and he can feel the weight of the chain. No.]
I need to...go. I'm starting to feel the effects of that bit of memory.
[He isn't safe and there's only one person he can turn to about it. His master. Best to work this out now. He walks away as the shadows grow deeper, forming the black back jacket and jeans.]
no subject
Date: 2016-09-22 04:31 am (UTC)[ He's quiet and just stands up and heads towards the door; his voice is devoid of all emotion. At this point he's going to lose it if he stays here any longer, and he just can't. ]
Don't... message me.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-22 06:08 am (UTC)[ The door closes after him, and they're both gone. A bewildered Nanami sits alone on the couch, staring after them, words dying in her throat. ]