[She can't help it. She feels so unburdened for the first time in months. Not since she woke up "on the trip" with the others has she felt so much like herself.
It is weird, considering all the discussions she's had today have been extremely serious and heavy. But lightening the load has made it easier for her to breathe and focus on the fact that she might be allowed to be happy.]
After our talk and those with Nagito-san and Hinata-san, I...asked Cilan-san to meet me down by the lake.
[And that's enough for her happy mood to evaporate. It was ephemeral anyway, but brilliant while it lasted.
Sonia sits down on the couch, hands curled up into fists in her lap as she thinks of what to say to her friend.]
I couldn't not tell him. Not with Enoshima-san here. He deserved to know exactly what he could fast by being my friend. No one we care for is free from an attack from her.
I gave Cilan-san an opportunity to distance himself for his own safety. [She gives Nanami a pale and pained smile.] I told him that I would understand if he wished to do so. I would, but it would have hurt so much.
I have only known him for a few months, Nanami-san, but I enjoy talking to him so much. He is so kind, so smart. I don't want her to touch him. The thought that she will try to hurt me through him makes me sick to my stomach. He deserved to think of his own safety. What she does to me is my own fault.
In order to protect him, I told him about my part as one of Enoshima-san's allies...
[ She'd spoken of Cilan to her before, but in conflicted tones, much like now. But this was an ultimatum. This was more than Nanami would expect any of her friends to tell anyone, particularly an outsider. ]
[Nanami's quiet, disbelieving tone is exactly what Sonia's feared from others who know her past.]
I didn't tell him about the island trip and game we were forced to engage in, but I told him about Hope's Peak Academy and our acquaintance with Enoshima-san and our joining her in her mission. Our capture by the Future Foundation and corralling on Jabberwock Island for rehabilitation.
[The air around her grows cold, an icy wind blowing around her hair and skirt.]
He asked me if I was remorseful for participating, to which I answered that of course I was. I fear every day that my home and family are gone and that I am the one solely responsible for it. That I have gone against everything that I was raised to believe was important to help someone I despise.
[The pained smile is back, but with a few sparkles of absolute joy and appreciation for what she has to say next.]
He told me that if that was the case then he would continue to be my friend, to defend me if necessary from those who wish to do me harm. He's offered to be my champion.
[ She listens quietly to what Sonia says, never taking her eyes off of her friend. But what she has to say at the end nearly takes Nanami's breath away. ]
But-- that's wonderful! [ She can hardly dare to believe how much she's smiling. ] He believes in you... he's a true friend, Sonia-san.
[Sonia's smile is bittersweet as she looks over at the other girl. She's both extremely happy and terrified at the same time.
It could all be a sweet dream, couldn't it?]
I am lucky to have found someone like Cilan-san. I know that. I know he can handle himself. I've seen him and his Pokémon in action. They are as wonderful a team as...Tanaka-san and the Dark Devas. But even she could hurt him.
I am a selfish person, Nanami-san. I know that if he is close to me, he could be hurt, used against me and Hinata-san and Komaeda-san.
However...I am glad that he still wants to be my friend and champion.
[ And Nanami hasn't been around long enough to know exactly what Junko's capable of here, but she knows that everybody's still very wary of her. So the danger is real.
But she takes Sonia's hand and squeezes it gently in what she hopes is comfort. ] We'll look after him, Sonia. All of us... And we'll all be there for him if anything happens.
I think... I'm still learning about wanting. But... it isn't so selfish to look for love, Sonia-san.
[She reaches over and takes Nanami's hand, her emotions settling as everything seems to level out for her.]
Nanami-san, it is all more important that you watch yourself. Speaking to Enoshima-san will only lead to circles of words, more confusing and terrible than anything you can imagine. She takes perverse pleasure in hurting those who followed her and our loved ones. And you are special to all of us.
Promise me you will be careful. No matter what happens to me. Your safety is more important than my happiness.
[ All of a sudden the conversation is different, startling Nanami. And Sonia's eyes are steely -- she's afraid for her. ]
But... those two things can both exist at once, right? You and Cilan can have your happiness even if I am more careful...
I don't think you have to worry about me, all that much. She's less dangerous here than she was at home, I think...
And if I've been brought here... then it's important to me that I do as much as I can to keep the rest of you safe. So you really shouldn't worry about me, Sonia-san...
[Sonia's scared, more now than ever. It seems like Nanami doesn't get it and she needs her friend to understand.]
Maybe they can. And maybe they cannot. If I have to choose, I would rather be miserable and have you safe, Nanami-san. I... If anything were to happen to you, it would hurt more than just me.
We all have one another, that's true. Plus there is Kirigiri-san and all our friends that we have made here in Verens, but that doesn't mean any of us are safe.
She might not have the same sort of control over us as she did back home, but that does not stop her. I am not naive to think she will stop trying to poke holes in our armor any way she can.
Of course she won't. She's Junko -- it's kind of what she does.
She's a little hard to understand. I'm still trying to figure her out, I guess. I've never met her, before! Even though all of you have interacted with her a lot...
But I think there's some things she can't help doing. Or she wants it too much. Maybe both.
But still... I'm no more or less safe than any of you. I'll take caution if I can... but I won't hide from her, either.
Yes, she is quite insistent in being terrible to all those who she can affect, both from our home world and beyond.
All that you need to know about her, Nanami-san, is that she takes much pleasure in confusing people. She never says something she doesn't mean, but it all leads to despair for her, no matter what it is.
And I don't expect you to hide from her, but you needn't interact with her if you don't have to. I'm not sure that she will seek you out to hurt you the same way she does with the rest of us.
I guess so. It's kind of like she's playing her own game, except the rules are a little different -- if she makes you forget what the rules were in the first place, then she's won.
It's just sort of interesting. I'll try to be careful around her, Sonia. I don't want to worry you. But I won't shy away from her, either. I just... need to know.
I think the only one who truly knows what any of the rules are is Enoshima-san. Her AI version appears to be a spitting image of her true self from what I can discern and from what we all know, Monokuma-san always loved to change the rules to match whatever whim he'd taken.
Komaeda-san doesn't shrink from her either. I attempted to stay away from her, but there's something there that makes that too difficult for me. Unlike Hinata-san, I cannot just ignore her.
Maybe there's something about her that's important to all of us. Komaeda figured it out first -- you can't have hope without despair, can you? And hope is almost as important to us as each other...
But as long as we look out for each other, that's what matters, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-07-24 06:01 am (UTC)[ Between Komaeda and Sonia, she's started getting used to this. She's a little too surprised to really do much in the way of hugging back, though. ]
What happened...?
no subject
Date: 2016-07-24 06:15 am (UTC)It is weird, considering all the discussions she's had today have been extremely serious and heavy. But lightening the load has made it easier for her to breathe and focus on the fact that she might be allowed to be happy.]
After our talk and those with Nagito-san and Hinata-san, I...asked Cilan-san to meet me down by the lake.
And I told him everything.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-24 06:33 am (UTC)[ It takes her several moments for her to register just exactly what that means. But then her eyes widen. ]
Everything...? Sonia-san...?!
no subject
Date: 2016-07-24 06:51 am (UTC)Sonia sits down on the couch, hands curled up into fists in her lap as she thinks of what to say to her friend.]
I couldn't not tell him. Not with Enoshima-san here. He deserved to know exactly what he could fast by being my friend. No one we care for is free from an attack from her.
I gave Cilan-san an opportunity to distance himself for his own safety. [She gives Nanami a pale and pained smile.] I told him that I would understand if he wished to do so. I would, but it would have hurt so much.
I have only known him for a few months, Nanami-san, but I enjoy talking to him so much. He is so kind, so smart. I don't want her to touch him. The thought that she will try to hurt me through him makes me sick to my stomach. He deserved to think of his own safety. What she does to me is my own fault.
In order to protect him, I told him about my part as one of Enoshima-san's allies...
no subject
Date: 2016-07-24 06:57 am (UTC)You... you really did tell him everything...
And... how did he react?
no subject
Date: 2016-07-25 08:11 pm (UTC)I didn't tell him about the island trip and game we were forced to engage in, but I told him about Hope's Peak Academy and our acquaintance with Enoshima-san and our joining her in her mission. Our capture by the Future Foundation and corralling on Jabberwock Island for rehabilitation.
[The air around her grows cold, an icy wind blowing around her hair and skirt.]
He asked me if I was remorseful for participating, to which I answered that of course I was. I fear every day that my home and family are gone and that I am the one solely responsible for it. That I have gone against everything that I was raised to believe was important to help someone I despise.
[The pained smile is back, but with a few sparkles of absolute joy and appreciation for what she has to say next.]
He told me that if that was the case then he would continue to be my friend, to defend me if necessary from those who wish to do me harm. He's offered to be my champion.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-31 01:34 am (UTC)But-- that's wonderful! [ She can hardly dare to believe how much she's smiling. ] He believes in you... he's a true friend, Sonia-san.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-01 03:58 am (UTC)It could all be a sweet dream, couldn't it?]
I am lucky to have found someone like Cilan-san. I know that. I know he can handle himself. I've seen him and his Pokémon in action. They are as wonderful a team as...Tanaka-san and the Dark Devas. But even she could hurt him.
I am a selfish person, Nanami-san. I know that if he is close to me, he could be hurt, used against me and Hinata-san and Komaeda-san.
However...I am glad that he still wants to be my friend and champion.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-06 10:21 pm (UTC)[ And Nanami hasn't been around long enough to know exactly what Junko's capable of here, but she knows that everybody's still very wary of her. So the danger is real.
But she takes Sonia's hand and squeezes it gently in what she hopes is comfort. ] We'll look after him, Sonia. All of us... And we'll all be there for him if anything happens.
I think... I'm still learning about wanting. But... it isn't so selfish to look for love, Sonia-san.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-07 02:58 am (UTC)Nanami-san, it is all more important that you watch yourself. Speaking to Enoshima-san will only lead to circles of words, more confusing and terrible than anything you can imagine. She takes perverse pleasure in hurting those who followed her and our loved ones. And you are special to all of us.
Promise me you will be careful. No matter what happens to me. Your safety is more important than my happiness.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-07 03:14 am (UTC)But... those two things can both exist at once, right? You and Cilan can have your happiness even if I am more careful...
I don't think you have to worry about me, all that much. She's less dangerous here than she was at home, I think...
And if I've been brought here... then it's important to me that I do as much as I can to keep the rest of you safe. So you really shouldn't worry about me, Sonia-san...
no subject
Date: 2016-08-07 03:20 am (UTC)Maybe they can. And maybe they cannot. If I have to choose, I would rather be miserable and have you safe, Nanami-san. I... If anything were to happen to you, it would hurt more than just me.
We all have one another, that's true. Plus there is Kirigiri-san and all our friends that we have made here in Verens, but that doesn't mean any of us are safe.
She might not have the same sort of control over us as she did back home, but that does not stop her. I am not naive to think she will stop trying to poke holes in our armor any way she can.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-07 03:26 am (UTC)She's a little hard to understand. I'm still trying to figure her out, I guess. I've never met her, before! Even though all of you have interacted with her a lot...
But I think there's some things she can't help doing. Or she wants it too much. Maybe both.
But still... I'm no more or less safe than any of you. I'll take caution if I can... but I won't hide from her, either.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-08 04:39 am (UTC)All that you need to know about her, Nanami-san, is that she takes much pleasure in confusing people. She never says something she doesn't mean, but it all leads to despair for her, no matter what it is.
And I don't expect you to hide from her, but you needn't interact with her if you don't have to. I'm not sure that she will seek you out to hurt you the same way she does with the rest of us.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-21 04:43 am (UTC)It's just sort of interesting. I'll try to be careful around her, Sonia. I don't want to worry you. But I won't shy away from her, either. I just... need to know.
no subject
Date: 2016-08-27 07:41 am (UTC)Komaeda-san doesn't shrink from her either. I attempted to stay away from her, but there's something there that makes that too difficult for me. Unlike Hinata-san, I cannot just ignore her.
Sometimes I wish I had that luxury.
no subject
Date: 2016-09-10 09:27 am (UTC)But as long as we look out for each other, that's what matters, right?