[ Komaeda sees right through him. It's a surreal feeling, because he's managed to dig a hole for his emotions to bury themselves in; he was certain that nobody would notice. He hates it when Komaeda's way to perceptive at times. ]
That's... [ His voice cracks, and he closes his eyes, allowing himself to think. But he's also trying his best not to keep himself locked in his own head. If he does that, the frustration and the despair will swallow him whole. The antenna that sits on top of his head drops in response to his dried up emotions. ] Chiaki. You don't have to apologize.
It's not something that you should apologize for.
[ Because, in the end: it's not her fault. It never was. Even though he knows full well that if she showed here, she'd be upset. She'd cry. She'd be happy to be alive, and at the same time be completely devastated at the aftermath. After all, she knew, didn't she? What her death kickstarted.
Nevertheless, he bites down on his lower lip, uneasy. Unsure, uncertain. And he's angry, because he feels like he should yell at Nanami again, for saying that. Does she not remember what they've been through? Even if it was an Enoshima AI, it was a near perfect copy of her.
He feels numb.
What's worse is that he's worried for Sonia. If she remembers this, then... it's going to hurt her just as much as it hurts him. Seeing her die twice, and unable to do anything? It hurts. What's worse for Hinata is that, unlike Sonia, who was trapped due to the hypnotic video that put them in place. He was Kamukura Izuru. He wasn't affected by that video. He could have saved her at any time during her so called "execution".
And all he did was watch.
Disgust twists in his stomach at the thought. He recalls what he wanted to do in regards to the Kamukura Project. How he wanted to tell her, with pride, that he had a talent.
But he couldn't do anything.
Even now, there's nothing he can do. And as he watched her final moments, all that was left of Hinata Hajime, the fragments of his former self, shattered, deep inside of Kamukura.
He wants to understand what Kamukura thought at the time. Did he want to believe in her? Was he interested in her? It's hard to tell. The swelling emotions appear as flowers in the couch - specifically, white daisies, a representation of hope - as he keeps his gaze lowered. He can't look at either of them right now. ]
If... it's okay.
[ His voice is dry with exhaustion and melancholy, and he really doesn't want to speak much, if at all, really. But that's his answer. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2016-09-18 03:35 pm (UTC)That's... [ His voice cracks, and he closes his eyes, allowing himself to think. But he's also trying his best not to keep himself locked in his own head. If he does that, the frustration and the despair will swallow him whole. The antenna that sits on top of his head drops in response to his dried up emotions. ] Chiaki. You don't have to apologize.
It's not something that you should apologize for.
[ Because, in the end: it's not her fault. It never was. Even though he knows full well that if she showed here, she'd be upset. She'd cry. She'd be happy to be alive, and at the same time be completely devastated at the aftermath. After all, she knew, didn't she? What her death kickstarted.
Nevertheless, he bites down on his lower lip, uneasy. Unsure, uncertain. And he's angry, because he feels like he should yell at Nanami again, for saying that. Does she not remember what they've been through? Even if it was an Enoshima AI, it was a near perfect copy of her.
He feels numb.
What's worse is that he's worried for Sonia. If she remembers this, then... it's going to hurt her just as much as it hurts him. Seeing her die twice, and unable to do anything? It hurts. What's worse for Hinata is that, unlike Sonia, who was trapped due to the hypnotic video that put them in place. He was Kamukura Izuru. He wasn't affected by that video. He could have saved her at any time during her so called "execution".
And all he did was watch.
Disgust twists in his stomach at the thought. He recalls what he wanted to do in regards to the Kamukura Project. How he wanted to tell her, with pride, that he had a talent.
But he couldn't do anything.
Even now, there's nothing he can do. And as he watched her final moments, all that was left of Hinata Hajime, the fragments of his former self, shattered, deep inside of Kamukura.
He wants to understand what Kamukura thought at the time. Did he want to believe in her? Was he interested in her? It's hard to tell. The swelling emotions appear as flowers in the couch - specifically, white daisies, a representation of hope - as he keeps his gaze lowered. He can't look at either of them right now. ]
If... it's okay.
[ His voice is dry with exhaustion and melancholy, and he really doesn't want to speak much, if at all, really. But that's his answer. ]